The coronavirus pandemic, by forcing much of the world into isolation, served as a stark reminder of how fundamentally social humans are. Loneliness is an evolutionary signal—as argued by social neuroscientist John Cacioppo—that alerts us when something is wrong with our social environment, urging us to take action. Having and maintaining high-quality relationships is crucial for personal well-being.
While connecting with others can sometimes feel difficult, there are several skills and mindsets that can help us rebuild and strengthen our social bonds.
1. Practice Active Listening 👂
Being interested in what others have to say is just as important as being interesting yourself. Active listening is a skill that makes people feel valued, and it involves more than just hearing words:
Non-Verbal Cues: Use eye contact, nodding, and mirroring body language to create a positive, engaging environment.
Verbal Affirmation: Show that you are trying to understand by asking questions for clarification, and by paraphrasing or reflecting back what you've heard.
Be Present: Recognize that the conversation is about the other person. To maximize the quality of time spent together, switch off mobile phones and technology. Distractions prevent you from being absolutely present and destroy connection.
2. Communicate Openly 🗣️
Many relationships suffer from the conversations you are not having, as author Susan Scott noted. When frustrations are allowed to fester instead of being discussed, they can cause long-term damage.
Raise Issues Respectfully: If something is bothering you, identify the core concern. Approach the topic openly and respectfully using phrases like, "I have a concern" or "This is how I feel when."
Seek Understanding: After sharing, genuinely try to understand the other person's perspective. Phrases such as, "I am curious to understand why" or "Why do you say this" can help bridge gaps.
Focus on Yourself: Remember that you can only change yourself, not others. Rather than fixating on things that irritate you, focus instead on your loved one's strengths.
3. Prioritize Quality Time and Activities 🧘
You can feel lonely even when surrounded by people. Ensuring the time you spend together is of good quality is essential to combating loneliness and strengthening bonds.
One study found that feelings of happiness and closeness depend more on the activities performed with friends and family than on the relationships themselves. Make time to engage in shared, distraction-free activities: switch off the television, play games, cook meals together, and truly communicate.
4. Embrace Kindness 💖
Kindness is a powerful tool for connecting with others, as studies link it to increased feelings of happiness, well-being, and life satisfaction.
Small Gestures Count: Kindness doesn't require grand gestures; it's often the little things that make a difference. Simple acts include acknowledging someone, making eye contact, smiling, offering a compliment, or making an environment more comfortable for another person.
Buffering Stress: Acts of kindness are thought to boost mood, increase feelings of capability, and even buffer the negative effects of stress.
Ultimately, building sturdier, positive social connections—which are defined by people who will be there for you in the good times and the bad—is like building sturdy bridges that can transport you safely through the most challenging times in your life.
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