Resilience—the ability to cope with and recover from adversity—is often misunderstood as an elusive, inborn trait available only to a few. However, resilience relies on what experts call "ordinary magic," meaning it is a quality that can be taught and built upon. Even in the face of immense personal tragedy, such as losing a loved one, having a foundation in resilience strategies can provide crucial tools to navigate the trauma.
It's vital to recognize that resilience is not just a personal thing; it is also a societal issue. Not seeing oneself represented in society, or facing prejudice based on race, sexuality, or mental health, can be deeply damaging to personal resilience. Likewise, resilient societies are better equipped to respond to major adversities (like natural disasters or pandemics), protect their vulnerable, and weather economic challenges.
Here are three personal strategies to help you build and rely on your resilience:
1. Understand that Suffering is Part of Life
When adversity hits—be it divorce, redundancy, or loss—it can feel like you are being unfairly singled out. The first tool for resilience is to acknowledge and accept that suffering is common to the human experience. Tough things happen to everyone. Knowing this in advance prevents you from falling into the trap of feeling uniquely victimized. This perspective provides an emotional distance that allows you to start the recovery process sooner.
2. Tune into the Good
Humans are naturally prone to a negativity bias, meaning our brains are wired to focus on and remember the bad, challenging, or "crappy" bits of life. Resilient people consciously work to counterbalance this bias by making a choice about where they focus their attention.
It's necessary to actively choose to tune into the good things, no matter how small. Resilient individuals are careful to recognize and focus on positive progress, providing a needed counterbalance to the negative feelings that are demanding their attention.
3. Ask: Is This Helping or Harming Me?
Resilience is not about having a "stiff upper lip" and suppressing your feelings. True resilience includes the ability to accept your vulnerabilities and know when to reach out for help. A crucial strategy is to constantly check your thoughts and actions with a simple question: "Is the way I'm thinking or acting right now helping or harming me in my quest to get through this?"
This question provides a practical filter, encouraging you to let go of harmful coping mechanisms (like self-blame or withdrawal) and embrace helpful actions, such as reaching out for support. Studies have consistently shown that having strong, supportive relationships is arguably the single most important factor for building resilience. As one of the key researchers in the field summarized after decades of work: "Other people matter." Nobody goes through trauma alone; a supportive community is essential for navigating adversity.
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